“Who’s your favorite music artist?” my date (our first) asked me.
With my reply of Beyoncé his face scrunched up as if the waitress had brought out a piping hot plate of chitlins instead of my margherita pizza.
“Oh, you’re one of them. Why?” he inquired further. Hell yeah I’m one of them! I thought, but after my initial hostility subsided I began to think about this loser’s question.
I don’t remember the moment I fell in love with Beyoncé (Brown Sugar voice). Maybe it was as a boy-crazy fifth-grader when Destiny’s Child released “No, No, No Part 2.” On the track, Beyoncé sang, “Each and every time you near me you give me signs. But when I ask you, ‘What’s the deal?’ you hold it all inside.” I too was dealing with the flip-flopping affections of a boy, so you can imagine how the song resonated. I recorded the music video featuring the girl group and Wyclef Jean on VHS so I could watch it whenever I wanted.
It’s more than just love, lust and boys though. Beyoncé has an expansive body of work that has impacted me for the last 18 years. Her music has been with me through every stage of my life that I can remember. So in response to my aforementioned date’s question, I laid out my defense of why Beyoncé is my (and legions of other’s) favorite artist. I won’t do that now because just like federal funding for Planned Parenthood, we’re tired of having to defend it.
The point here is that the men who just don’t “get” Beyoncé aren’t worth your time. Nor are the even bolder set of deplorables who decry Beyoncé any chance they get (or create: Hey, you want something to drink? Speaking of Lemonade…). Along with people who put ice in their wine and “All Lives Matter” protesters, it’s time to cut men who don’t like Beyoncé out of your lives. You’re thinking, that’s a little harsh, no? Simply stop dating a guy because he doesn’t like a particular music artist?
Trust me, it’s the right thing to do. His dislike of Beyoncé is most likely a red flag for much larger problems. (I sat in on a friend’s Introduction to Psychology class once, so I know what I’m talking about.)
This seemingly small flaw is only the tip of the iceberg, and any semblance of a relationship you form is destined to go down like the Titanic. Here are all the reasons you should dump any guy that doesn’t like Beyoncé.
He Probably Doesn’t Like Women At All
No, I don’t mean women’s bodies. I mean women—with their opinions, wants, needs and hopes.
Men’s dislike of women starts in early childhood. They put up their “No Girls Allowed” signs and run around pushing little girls on the playground. Most men grow out of this and develop a deep appreciation for, and love of, women. The other small but vocal minority simply develop a tolerance for us, because well- hormones, puberty, and sex. Yes, this lot definitely enjoys having sex with you, but they don’t enjoy your actual presence. If they could get by with a fleshlight they probably would, but life’s a b***h—pun intended.
Of course, these men can be identified with obvious warning signs including but not limited to: a constant use of slut-synonyms to describe women; the absence of any lady friends, acquaintances or co-workers they’re cool with; or their defense of Bill Cosby and rape culture in general.
You know who else these guys hate? Beyoncé. More so than any other artist, Beyoncé unites women of all races from across the globe. Whether you like it or not, Beyoncé is a cultural figurehead for stereotypical femininity.
It goes the color pink, skirts, and Beyoncé. Of course, this icon of womanliness would draw the ire of men who don’t like women.
He Can’t Handle Your Complexity
While black women heralded “Lemonade” the visual album as a triumph in the depiction of black beauty and femininity, “Lemonade” the album spoke to all women. Beyoncé skillfully traversed the diaspora of female emotion in her trademark fashion. With Lemonade she once again endeared us to her with her spot on representation of what I can only describe as women’s swirling vortex of feels.
Sometimes we are the girl in “Hold Up” painfully aware of our flaws and pleading, “Can’t you see there’s no other man above you? What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you.”
Other times we are the braggadocios woman in “Formation” fiercely aware of our strengths and chanting, “I dream it, I work hard, I grind ’til I own it. I twirl on them haters!”
And at times we are Peaches, the seductress in “Partition” that just wants “to be the girl you like.”
All of this complexity is too much for some men. They’ll even point to the differences between “Dangerously in Love” Bey and “Lemonade” Bey as proof that she’s fickle, and changes with the tide, but these albums are 13 years a part. Are you the same person you were more than a decade ago?
In the words of Jay-Z, “Everybody look at you strange, say you changed. Like you work that hard to stay the same.” Don’t be with someone who can’t handle your nuanced charisma or your personal growth. Maybe it’s genetic like how colorblindness mainly affects males. Women are technicolor and these Beyoncé-hating guys want you to live your life in black and white.
He Doesn’t Want You to Stand Up For Yourself
Beyoncé as a solo artist first experimented with discussing the problematic behavior of men in “Yes,” one of the singles off of her debut album. Dangerously in Love was largely as the title indicated, an album full of head-over-heels love songs.
Three years later Beyoncé was less optimistic with her follow-up B’Day. She explores the topic of men’s underwhelming performance in relationships across four songs “Resentment,” “Ring the Alarm,” the anthem “Irreplaceable,” and one could even argue “Freakum Dress.” I think right around here is when a lot of men jumped on the Beyoncé sucks bus.
“Irreplaceable” was a smash hit as 2007’s tenth best-selling digital single with over 4.6 million copies sold worldwide. Women all over the globe were singing “To the left, to the left,” and men broke out in hives. She was encouraging women to stand up for themselves, and echoing a sentiment shared by men regarding women for quite some time—there are other fish in the sea. Yes, men too are replaceable: “You must not know bout me, you must not know bout me, I could have another you in a minute.”
Sometimes songs are released and people remark on how many babies must’ve been conceived. With “Irreplaceable,” I wonder how many toxic relationships were dissolved.
If a guy wants to treat his girl like a doormat, of course, he doesn’t like or want her listening to, Beyoncé. She’s putting all kinds of dangerous ideas into her head like: you deserve better, stand up for yourself and there is someone out there for you that will treat you right.
He’s Just a Contrarian
Have you ever heard a solid defense of not liking Beyoncé? I haven’t because there is none—don’t debate me, this is science.
The truth is, men who don’t like Beyoncé just want to be different for being different’s sake. They don’t actually believe what they’re saying, but they get some sort of joy out of swimming upstream.
It’s no fun being in a relationship with a Beytrarian. Guys like this will contradict themselves if it means the opportunity to argue with someone. YOU: Wow, Trump is a really terrible President. HIM: I don’t know about that, when is the last time this many people paid attention to politics?
Eventually, men like this bring out the worst parts of you. In response, you’ll start to engage in petty behavior or become downright rude as a defense to their contrarian ways. They just want attention, don’t give it to them or date them.
He Simply Has Bad Taste
Don’t get me wrong I think most men have bad taste, and this comes in different forms.
Maybe he thinks a Romphim is a bold fashion statement or his apartment is painted in the colors of his fraternity and every available surface is adorned with frat memorabilia. Perhaps he spent some time on the Sartorialist and decided it’d be a good idea to mix paisley pants with a gingham dress shirt, or conversely his idea of dressing up is taking off his du-rag. As I said, I believe most men have bad taste, but the man who doesn’t like Beyoncé probably has such strong opinions he’ll be adamant about superseding your more tasteful selections.
How obnoxiously strong-willed do you have to be to maintain a dislike for Queen Bey? This isn’t the “happy wife, happy life” kind of guy, no he’s the “it’s my life and you’re just living it in it” sort of guy. The “I have a collection of Jay-Z album cover posters since ‘Reasonable Doubt’ and I must hang them all” kind of guy.
Anyway, you get the point, steer clear of any of guy that doesn’t like Beyoncé because it’s just the thunder before the lightning storm. If you have the misfortune of currently dating a Beytrarian, I spoke with Beyoncé and her advice was as follows: “Middle fingers up, put them hands high, wave it in his face, tell him boy bye!”
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