Sizzling? Hardly. You see more than that each time Britney Spears walks to the deli to pick up her smokes and Slim Jims. Besides, doesn’t this basically sum up the entirety of Lopez’s career anyway? This woman has been metaphorically staring at her ginormous ass in the mirror for years while we’ve watched on like a bunch of lobotomized muldoons. Talk about the emperor’s new clothes, this insufferable twit has been a huge star for a decade based solely on the impressive heft of her buttocks. As far as I’m concerned, she’s made enough money from it, at least now we’ll be able to see it up close and personal in all its wobbling glory.
The funniest (and most fun) aspect about this whole deal is how absolutely ballistic Marc Anthony must be over all of this. We’ve all heard reports of his extreme jealousy, so the idea of a tape being released of Jenny frolicking about with her exmust be pretty unbearable for the skull-faced entertainer. That’s every guy’s deepest fear, isn’t it? To watch your girl getting it on with another guy is positively taboo! Oh well, his misery is my entertainment. To me there’s nothing more delectable than a bit sweet schadenfreude at the expense of a couple of talentless nimrods.
Overall, celebrity sex tapes are a disappointing affair. It’s always a let-down to discover how lamely celebrities have sex. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Tonya Harding, Fred Durst, Chyna, Screech, all their action was about as stimulating as reading the phone book. I have a friend that always used to say, “There’s no such thing as good porn,” his meaning being, that no matter how exciting it might be, it will always be ultimately unfulfilling.
Well, I think that goes triple for celebrity porn.
As far as this Lopez tape is concerned, I hardly think it’ll make a difference to her career. I mean, after Gigli, Maid In Manhattan and Monster-In-Law, does anyone really give a horse’s rectum about her anymore? If anything, she should be happy at whatever attention this whole deal brings her, as it is most probably her last hurrah…that is until her next sex tape is released.