Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. What do you think of it? What else are you interested in? Let us know: email@example.com.
Reeling From All the Dealing
Late-night hosts did their best on Thursday to make sense of the confounding deal-making process on immigration that unfolded between the White House and Congress’s Democratic leadership this week.
“After President Trump reportedly struck a deal with Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi last night on DACA, he tweeted this morning, ‘No deal was made last night on DACA.’ Then he tweeted, ‘Does anybody really want to throw out good, educated and accomplished young people?’ Then he tweeted, ‘The wall will continue to be built.’ Man, the last time somebody changed positions that much on Twitter, Ted Cruz liked it.” — SETH MEYERS
The White House press secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, said that Mr. Trump had “done more for bipartisanship in the last eight days than Obama did in eight years.” Trevor Noah sees things a little differently.
“Wow. One deal, now he’s Mr. Bipartisan? O.K. You can’t call someone a philanthropist just because they tossed a quarter at a homeless person. It doesn’t work that way. ‘We hereby name this alley Donald Trump Alley of Giving!’” — TREVOR NOAH
A ‘Dreamer’ Comedian Weighs In
For another perspective on the deal to protect the so-called Dreamers, immigrants who were brought to the United States illegally as children, Jimmy Fallon spoke with a correspondent for “The Tonight Show,” Julio Torres, who is himself a Dreamer.
“I’m a standup comedian, but not just any kind. I’m the sort of queer, multimedia kind. The other day I was covered completely in glitter, holding a little crystal pyramid, wondering how to incorporate it into my act, and I thought: Oh, I’m sorry, is this one of the many good jobs I’m stealing from hardworking Americans?” — JULIO TORRES
“The only person I connect with in this administration is Melania, because just like me she’s foreign, she’s a beautiful ice princess, and we both scan the room for the nearest exit whenever we read to children.” — JULIO TORRES
Bad Weather for Golfing
Mr. Trump recently traveled to Florida to see the effects of Hurricane Irma. Jimmy Kimmel wonders whether he fit in a round or two of golf while he was there.
“The president and his wife were in Florida today to have a look at the damage from Hurricane Irma. Trump, as you know, cares very deeply about the state of Florida — in fact, almost every weekend since he was sworn in, he has personally flown to Florida to make sure there were no hurricanes there. Sometimes he even carries a golf club to fend them off.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Michigan Edition)
“I read about a brother and sister in Michigan who reunited after 50 years apart. Unfortunately, it was on Tinder.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Ivanka Trump said that she doesn’t speak out against her dad publicly because when you’re part of a team, you’re part of a team. I think what she meant to say was, when you’re part of a will, you’re part of a will.” — JIMMY FALLON
“In an interview with CNN yesterday, Hillary Clinton said that the Electoral College needs to be eliminated. ‘Same with regular college,’ said Betsy DeVos.” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
Here’s Mr. Fallon’s most relatable hashtag topic yet: weird roommates.
Mr. Kimmel asked Stephen Colbert — who’s been off the air this week, preparing to host the Emmys on Sunday — about two of the “Late Show” host’s favorite topics: Mr. Trump and his former press secretary, Sean Spicer.
Enjoy the Weekend
Mr. Colbert returns on Monday for an eventful week. First, he’ll be celebrating his second anniversary at “The Late Show.” Then, on Tuesday, he interviews Hillary Clinton. We’ll be here on Tuesday to tell you about it.
Also, Check This Out
We’ve all been bombarded by historical images of the Vietnam War. But Ken Burns’s new documentary helps make sense of the dizzyingly sad tale of that war, our critic writes.
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